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Melancholy

by Ginger Rodriguez

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1.
Oooh-ooh-ooh Oooh-ooh-ooh The American, the American, American dream The American, the American, it's a scheme The American, the American, it's a scheme The American, the American, we're dying In America, in America, we're dying In America, In America In America, In America In America, In America In America, in America, we're dying In America, In America In America, In America In America, in America, we're dying
2.
I’ve been working tirelessly on me Where am I going? I still don’t know it Everybody wants a piece of me Until I blow it And they don’t know that yet There’s more to life than these four walls I trap myself in these dirty stalls And no one is looking for me In the grand scheme of things Nothing matters Nothing matters Choose the life you want to live Make it matter Don’t let it shatter Don’t be like me I’m afraid of everything ‘Cause I’m not settled into who I am No, my life is not mine, put it in someone else’s hands G I N G E R G I N G E R G I N G E R G I N G E R G I N G E R (wanna be a superstar) G I N G E R (she don’t know who she are) G I N G E R (wanna be a superstar) G I N G E R (wanna be a superstar) I never know how I feel or what has been Going on in my mind or the world, it’s so drastic I try to lift myself up but I am too weak Nobody ever knows when it’s me who is missing I stripped my skin to get rid of my bruises I need a clean slate, if I don’t get it I’ll lose it I know I’m ‘posed to thank you for your so called help But I loathe what you did, ‘cause you made me myself Let this hourglass change time I don’t want to be me, I just want to change my life (let the world be mine) Let this hourglass change time Call me another, ‘cause Ginger’s not here tonight M E L A N C Melancholy M E L A N C Melancholy Why do I not smile? ‘Cause I’m Melancholy Everybody goes wild Not me, I’m melancholy M E L A N C Melancholy M E L A N C Melancholy Why do I not smile? ‘Cause I’m Melancholy Everybody goes wild Not me, I’m melancholy Let this hourglass change time I don’t want to be me, I just want to change my life (let the world be mine) Let this hourglass change time Call me another ‘cause Ginger’s not here tonight Let this hourglass change time I don’t want to be me, I just want to change my life (let the world be mine) Let this hourglass change time Call me another, ‘cause Ginger’s not here tonight My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate I just want to be a measurement of time My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate The sand moves this way and that way just like my mind My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate I just want to be a measurement of time My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate The sand moves this way and that way just like my mind Let this hourglass change time I don’t want to be me, I just want to change my life (let the world be mine) Let this hourglass change time Call me another, ‘cause Ginger’s not here tonight Let this hourglass change time I don’t want to be me, I just want to change my life (let the world be mine) Let this hourglass change time Call me another, ‘cause Ginger’s not here tonight Everything I love is ending and time is falling down Smiles never ever last forever but neither do our frowns I never want it to end but we will fall to the ground The different voices in my head are waking up so help me now I don’t know who I am Her name is Ginger, hurts like a splinter They don’t know who I am It’s getting deeper, don’t want to see her It’s getting deeper, don’t want to see her It’s getting deeper, don’t want to see her It’s getting deeper, don’t want to see her It’s getting deeper, don’t want to see her My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate I just want to be a measurement of time My hands are calloused And they’re not delicate The sand moves this way and that way just like my mind
3.
The show went quiet Can finally hear my thoughts Nothing to drown them out Architecture burning down Is this the silence? I can hear it all Don’t want to see it all no But I can feel it all All of my secrets, they will never know And Melancholy, she comes, she goes Can’t say she’ll be gone forever But for now she’s not stuck to me with a tether Wish I could take my life away So I could finally stop crying I try to think of words to say But my mind can’t find ‘em If I’m not going to heal soon Then what’s the point of me trying And I don’t know who I am anymore Because of last night’s trauma This is my formal resignation From who I was before I retire this name ‘Cause this body ain’t mine anymore Who I was is a memory I can never explain The person in the mirror doesn’t look like me But I’ll do about anything to forget all this strife Try to make a puppet out of me; move to the afterlife I can’t carry myself as long as you’re alive ‘Cause the memories resurface in the dead of the night I’ve been lost to the trauma, just want to feel the daylight How can this be my vessel if it don’t feel like mine? Where is Ginger going? Melancholy will be back before we know it Oh it could take a bit of time before she shows it It's been a long day and I can’t change Everybody wanna tell me why it’s insane I never know who I am I never know who you are I guess I can’t trust love It only breaks my heart ‘Cause everyone’s on the ground and everybody has a frown And I can’t be the one to save them all Everybody wanna tell me, everybody wanna sell me on why I am nothing at all Nothing at all, nothing at all, I'm nothing at all
4.
Paranoia 04:32
I don’t like my name so I’ll go by a new one Don’t want this face I’ll just let them go sew one Not gonna stay ‘cause I’m too close for comfort I don’t speak much so in silence I suffer But since I’m here lonely and nobody’s listening I’ll imagine the world that I’d rather much live in Pretend I have money and love all around In real life my body is just on the ground I don’t know where I am going But I know I don’t want to stay here On this ground I lay broken Wish my existence could just disappear ‘Cause I don’t like knowing That the world can listen and hear If I were just alone and open My thoughts would finally become clear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear And if they hate pop stars then they’ll hate me too ‘Cause I’m not an artist or anyone cool Can’t romanticize my life ‘cause nobody wants To look like me, feel like me, is that all my fault? If I seduce them, it’s just for a moment The people won’t know who they’ve truly anointed And yes I’ll take my fall, less graceful than a bow If anything they’ll take the words out my mouth I don’t know where I am going But I know I don’t want to stay here On this ground I lay broken Wish my existence could just disappear ‘Cause I don’t like knowing That the world can listen and hear If I were just alone and open My thoughts would finally become clear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear I don’t really wanna think about them Knowing I’m here Maybe it’s paranoia But I’m always in fear And when will be my end? And when will be my end?
5.
I wish you were dead I wish you were gone I wish that I could kill you so that I could just move on You murdered myself And filled me with paranoia That you're lurking in the shadows I'm afraid that I'll not know it I now hate September because that's when I saw your phone Pictures of me that you never should have owned And I saw the videos you took of me too Whenever I'm alone, I'm afraid you're hiding in my room It's funny how a predator will make you believe That you're the one at fault, you're just hallucinating And yet you're protected by my supposed saviors Didn't think they'd take the side of the perpetrator Don't you dare ever think that you're going to heaven When I'm through with you I will send you to hell But death is too easy so I'll let you stay here So long that the flesh on your body will smell (So can you feel my pain? Emotions surge like a hurricane And when you pass to the other side You'll wish you were back here barely alive) So try it again, yeah I really wanna see What you think you now can ever do to me Yes, try it again so you really can see Throw you in the gutter like you did to me I've got witnesses spectating in my mind Which voice will I listen to when it's your time And to my loved ones, I must apologize When I'm not suicidal, I'm planning homicide 'Cause I know that heaven on earth ain't angelic You taught me pain, I won't let you forget it And no God could save you from what you have done Karma's a bitch, I would know, I am one (Is it the twenties? I'm roaring with rage Great Depression in the mind is no quiet thing 'Cause silence is violent or maybe that's me So in our eternity, don't fucking scream) Don't you dare ever think that you're going to heaven When I'm through with you I will send you to hell But death is too easy so I'll let you stay here So long that the flesh on your body will smell
6.
It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! It's the roaring twenties! Blame it on the decade Or blame it on the year The roaring twenties Are always full of fear Blame it on the decade Or blame it on the year The roaring twenties Are always full of fear
7.
Isolation 02:42
Uhh-uhh-uh-uh-uhh Uhh-uhh-uh-uh-uhh-uhh Oohhh-oohhh-uh-oh-uh-ohh I walked inside not knowing why I hid in the bathroom from my pride (from my pride) There she was she wanting to die (she was wanting to die) And I forget that I was coming to hide (and she was coming to hide) She said she was asking for a sign (a sign) Said maybe I was her reason why I don’t know if everything happens for a reason But I’m glad she was here for the season I lied. You’re on my mind. I lied. You’re on my mind. I lied. You’re on my mind. mind. mind. mind. I lied. You’re on my mind. I lied. You’re on my mind. I lied. You’re on my mind. And everybody wanna tell me that I’m not doing it right Said you gotta be like her but she’s not fighting my fight And I try to be myself, but that’s something I can’t help ‘Cause I don’t know who I am, or if the truth is just a scam I could never be like you, you could never be like me And I know in this life we’re just all growing But I wanna be like you, I don’t wanna be like me Everybody’s disappointed when I start speaking I’m still a little left out, out I’m still a little left out I’m still a little left out I’m still a little left ohh-ooh-ohh I’m still a little left out
8.
Everybody is growing Everybody, everybody but me knows it Decisions seem so final ‘Cause I want to be cool but I’m so suicidal Wish I was easygoing Should talk to my doctor about increasing my dosage To leave this room seems impossible It’s like I woke up murdered but no one’s responsible They say don’t panic But my life is my life and it’s so hard to manage The mind seems so dangerous You don’t know what you know until you’re out of the matrix I see my life in the magazines It looks so cool, gosh, I wish that, that were me! I just looked in the mirror I was wondering why that she looked familiar I am so lost, I don't know who I’ve been I don’t like my exterior and nor what’s within I feel so lost, don’t feel right in my skin They say don’t panic but my panic is setting in Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! I was trying to grow and Now I’m back in the place that made me alone yeah Decisions seem so final ‘Cause I tried to be cool but I’m so suicidal Wish I could be authentic I wish the words that I’ve said, I wish I knew if I meant them To leave this life seems impossible It’s like I woke up murdered but no one’s responsible They say don’t panic But my thoughts are my thoughts and they’re so hard to manage The world seems so dangerous You don’t know what you know until you’re out of the matrix Don’t think I should be magazines ‘Cause I’ll look at myself and wish that, that were me I won’t look in the mirror ‘Cause the person I see, yeah, she don’t seem familiar I am so lost, I don't know who I’ve been I don’t like my exterior and nor what’s within I feel so lost, don’t feel right in my skin They say don’t panic but my panic is setting in Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! I’m so tired of my mind And yet I’m always in distress, how can that be defined? I’m exhausted and yet at the same time I’m so panicked ‘cause the world always makes me wanna cry I’m so tired of my mind I’m so tired of the world Didn’t think that I could worry ‘cause I’m already too hurt I’m so tired of my mind I’m so panicked for the world Didn’t think that I could worry... I am so lost, I don't know who I’ve been I don’t like my exterior and nor what’s within I feel so lost, don’t feel right in my skin They say don’t panic but my panic is setting in Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Don’t panic! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in! Panic is setting in!
9.
Melancholy 03:40
These days I never know These days I never know where I’m going to go And I waste my time feeling low I have to give myself permission to grow Have to grow I’m not proud of what I’ve said I’m not proud of what I’ve done It’s hard for me to care for myself when I’ve hurt the ones I loved I always want to bury myself when I’m placed with blame I need to find a better way to cope than cut my brain No one could love me if they if they know who’ve I’ve been I feel like the only time I’m liked is when I’m faking it I’m left behind ‘cause I’m too depressed to be somebody When they don’t call me ginger they call me melancholy Validation from praise Give me more, forget grace My ego’s fueled from my desire To set the bar a little higher Don’t let me go, don’t leave me no, Don’t leave me alone Don’t let me go, don’t leave me no, Please don’t leave me alone Ooh-oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh I wish I liked who I was You know I’m trying but I can’t get there because I’m always standing in my way I’m always in a state of decay I can’t keep living this way I’m not proud of what I’ve said I’m not proud of what I’ve done It’s hard for me to care for myself when I’ve hurt the ones I loved I always want to bury myself when I’m placed with blame I need to find a better way to cope than cut my brain No one could love me if they if they know who’ve I’ve been I feel like the only time I’m liked is when I’m faking it I’m left behind ‘cause I’m too depressed to be somebody When they don’t call me ginger they call me melancholy Validation from praise Give me more, forget grace My ego’s fueled from my desire To set the bar a little higher Don’t let me go, don’t leave me no, Don’t leave me alone Don’t let me go, don’t leave me no, Please don’t leave me alone Oooh-ooh-uh-uhhhh-ahhh
10.
I've been contemplating Wondering who I've become Living in stagnation In a world now turned to dust The timelessness of mascara Stains and pretty lies Is there a Great Depression In the lonely mind? The show went loud then quiet Can finally hear my thoughts Nothing to drown them out Is this the silence I don't want to hear but the Architecture is now burning down And all of my secrets are out there But I keep them quiet Don't think they will ever know That Melancholy don't haunt me But trauma ain't sorry She comes and then she goes What was my life before? Was it something more? Will this be how I live? 'Cause I don't want this What was my life before? Was it something more? Will this be how I live? 'Cause I don't want this What was my life before? Was it something more? Will this be how I live? 'Cause I don't want this
11.
So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? I'm a hypocrite 'cause I love what I shouldn't And I get caught up when those I love do that And I've always been a fool just like the rest Maybe there's some freedom in not being the best, yeah I don't think myself cynical but I can be a little critical And my dreams make me feel so lonely I want to be the one you love, but I, I will never be enough And in my dreams, I still feel lonely So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Every step I take makes me regret it And I want to be loved in every setting Tired of this melancholy feeling It all stems from my lack of healing Yeah I care too much and I love the world So when it disappoints me it feels personal And if I ever get fame, I won’t take it well ’Cause I hate being known but I have stories to share Will I get shot by the press? Will my blood be in the paper? Or will they love me for a second or much later? ‘Cause in my dreams I still feel lonely So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon Just desserts, just desserts Just desserts so soon So maybe these are dreams of loneliness Or maybe it's the best that I can do Could these just be dreams of loneliness? Or is my fate lying ready to serve my just desserts so soon? And if these are my dreams of loneliness I can rest knowing I’ll wake up soon And if these thoughts come to fruition I don’t know what I will do Dreams of loneliness Let these be dreams of loneliness
12.
Daylight 10:52
I always wanna be Somebody I’m not; Envious of what Everyone else, what everyone else has got What everyone else has got What everyone else has got What everyone else has got I’ll never be what I want ’Cause I expect way too much I’ve never been so cold before I just want to— I just want to wake up I just want to wake up I just want to wake up I just want to wake up Maybe I’m not meant to be Someone cool who lives mysteriously Cause I put down all my cards That’s why the losses feel so hard And I’m afraid to fall asleep ‘Cause I don’t know what I’ll dream And when I see my face It doesn’t look right, right to me I'm not sorry 'Cause you're the one who made this mess I'm hardly ever welcomed here to share what I've created You build me up to break me down, I hate it, is it fated? These are my notes from the underground, do you feel the same? And the world is filled with cannibals who don't feel pain They want to eat me alive Will they have the decency to just let me die? Let me die, let me die Melancholy will not survive Let me die, let me die Melancholy won’t survive Let me die, let me die Melancholy will not survive Let me die, let me die Melancholy won’t survive Let me die, let me die Melancholy won’t survive Let me die, let me die Daylight! Please let me forget the darkness Cause I’ve been there too long regardless So let me wake up from this trauma And forget what’s happened to me, oh Daylight! Please let me forget the darkness Cause I’ve been there too long regardless So let me wake up from this trauma And forget what’s happened to me, oh Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Daylight, light, light, light, light, light, light Light, Light, Light, Light Let there be light, let there be light My life’s in shadows I fear that I’ll wallow for the rest of my life Light, Light, Light, Light Let there be light, let there be light My life’s in shadows I fear that I’ll wallow for the rest of my life Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all hate Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all love Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all love Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all love Ginger Ginger, Ginger, we all love Ginger I never wanna be Somebody I’m not; Envious of what Everyone else, what everyone else has got What everyone else has got What everyone else has got What everyone else has got

about

As "Melancholy" was inspired by the work of many black artists, 50% of album sales purchased on BandCamp in April 2021 were donated to the following non-profit organizations that support black women, children, and creatives: The Black Art Futures Fund, Girls for a Change, The Loveland Foundation.

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released April 2, 2021

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Ginger Rodriguez Austin, Texas

alt-pop artist //
singer-songwriter & producer
gingerrodriguez.com

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